Updated: Aug 21, 2020
So you get the holiday/seasonal/my family's dysfunctional blues? Oh honey, I know all about them blue shoes. Here's a look at three ways you can take your power BACK and move from BLUE to YOU.
You knew this one was coming, didn’t you? You know because if you’ve lived any life at all? Expectations have shot down your high vibes at least 320935983457 times by now. HONEY! If you are making this moment about the money, the decorations, the gifts, or the hallmark movie in your head, you are doing yourself and everyone around you a disservice.
Instead of waiting to feel good:
+ Go ahead (right now!) and appreciate what you have NOW
+ Find a place in yourself where you can feel good about what you have (or something you LOVE about that person who is not showing up the way you "expected" they should
+ Give all of your attention to that place
+ If you can’t find it, create an affirmation (I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED TO BE HERE AND TO BE ME) and give your awareness to that
Darling, you may not wear that mean mug, but the way you’re getting all wrapped up and “too busy” for anything that isn’t your perfect vision? It’s leaving you high and dry in the spirits department. DO SOMETHING NICE FOR SOMEONE ELSE.
+ You don’t have to go out and FIND something, you just need to be eyes and heart opened enough to SEE when a need is front of you, and then act on It.
+ It doesn’t need to be a money thing, it can be time spent listening to a friend, or making extra of your dinner and taking it to the elderly neighbors.
So you’re stuck in a time loop, and every time you go to see your inlaws you feel like you're living the same nightmare on repeat? Without your rules and a clear plan of action, YOU WILL REVERT. Depending on who ya are, you will explode, or “vacate the premises” and stuff it down, but whatever happens? IT WILL NOT BE GOOD. Let’s look at some tools for breaking that chain now and forever, honey.
Instead of reverting back to old trigger points and bad habits, set yourself up for success with a game plan. Think of the worst case scenario, and come up with a plan to fall back on when shit hits the fan (his mother-in-law says that same old snide comment about “working moms” she does every family function, your husband gets you a vacuum cleaner for christmas, you get stuck in the middle of that same old toxic friend gossip circle). Speak your plan, write it out, whatever, but STICK TO IT. ie when your mother-in-law says that THING (ugh!) your plan says you will take a deep breath, and walk away. Later, in private and once you are calm, you will pull her aside and let her know how her words are hurting you and set a clear boundary around that. (ex. "If you continue to speak demeaningly to me when we are together, I will have to leave the function.")
Rules save us. From saying too much, or too little. From feeling trapped or from reacting impulsively and saying or doing things we wish we could take back later. Come up with a set of rules for your worst case scenario. So you’re stuck in the middle of the dreaded gossip girl circle? Your rules will guide you in what to do next, 1. Put the music back into your voice and speak kindly 2. Defend the person in question (maybe their cat died!) OR try to change the subject 3. If that doesn’t work, get up and leave. 4. Also, LEAVE any lingering shame and guilt for not following the crowd with the people engaging in the shameful behavior!
Say bye bye to suffocating anxiety and looming despair! Now you are prepared for anything. Go forth and be merry.